E for

effort.


i'm seeing lack of effort
and it's very sad.
but you know what, i made mine
and that's all i could do at this point.


i'm tired

meet me

halfway,

all i ask for is for you to meet me halfway. it's not a "i go 90%, and you go 10%" but it seems to be the way it is. i wish you saw my efforts on a more positive level than fucking you over because that was never my intention. i love you, and i just can't seem to let you go just yet. so show me, or i'm leaving.


i just want this to work
and we gotta make it work.
ayo, oh.

stay

it's not a matter of necessity. i don't need you in my life and i can live without you, but i want you in my life.


(inspired by stev tran<3)

departure

leaving for vietnam later on tonight :'( haha i love my bff<3, forreals. she wants to take me to the airport :') i'm going to miss her, eur, and our LMAO moments when flying (and not flying). of course, i'm going to definitely miss anthony :( i dont know how i am going to not see him for three weeks. it's going to be hard but i'll just have to get through it. i'm sure will do the same :) tehee



well,
off to fobby world :(




p.s. i really hate fobs...i get enough of them at work!

it's official.

i love him


it's been quite awhile since i've blogged. summer's here, haha well it's been here! my days consist of hanging out with anthony and the couples. and you know what? it's been pretty good. yesterday i spent the whole day with anthony and his family for fourth of july. they are one heck of a family that i'm growing to love. and he asked me to be his girlfriend, :) it was cute. he's such a sweetheart and i love him<3

monday night, i'm leaving to vietnam :( i'm going to miss anthony and the gang alot but part of me is a little excited just to get outta here. just three weeks, i can do it! also, i'm curious what adventures me and sonic are going to have. poor thing is bored out of his mind and waiting for me to come and hangout with him. haha it's going to be interesting :) man, i swear i'ma bring back a suitcase full of only lashes. get your orders to me, girls! :)

growing up and learning. learning to accept and learning new things about myself and about others. and that's just life. you know what they say, you find your true friends in high school. for now, fuckkk it :)

i am tired

of everything.


i want to run, run from everything. just for a little while so i can feel at ease. and i want to sleep. sleep so i can just forget about everything.


"like how the orange stopped rolling down the hill cuz it ran out of juice" <3






thanks for having my back, babe. thanks for trying to make me feel better with your jokes when in the end, i laugh at you. thanks for being there.

cancels out

and back to zero.


i've laid out all the facts, all the consequences, everything. but when it comes done to weighing, the facts just cancel outs. balance. i've never been in a position where i had to choose between what the right thing to do or where my heart takes me. i can honestly say, i don't know where i'm going from here. from this. its..complicated. sigh, "it's chilllllll" =)


you know, it's the littlest things that makes me hold on a bit longer.

you and me

we suppose to be
Together, girL. forever,


i miss our friday night sushi dinners. i miss going to your house every day. i miss going shopping with you and spending $$$ or at least i know i would spend at least a bill everytime. i miss going to the movies at bella terra and giggle at the cute nerdy boy working. i miss getting ready to go out. i miss watching youtube videos with you. i miss the laughs we shared. i miss the gossip we talked about. i miss the movies nights. i miss the trips to 711. i miss swimming days during the summer. i miss our little sign language and secret codes no one knows but us. i miss making eye contact across the gym. i miss the adventures taking the bus. i miss the fun we had. i miss all our little insiders. i miss getting pretty just to take some pictures and be camera whores. i miss sitting there watching tv and eating all the snacks at your house. i miss the excitement we'd get over the simplest things. i miss trying to talk to each other on the phone for a record time. i miss the retarded dance moves we did. i miss the matching outfits. i miss decorating mugs for our boy at that time at color me mine. i miss writing notes to each other during math class. i miss messing around with people and saying that we're twin sisters. i miss being the one you'd come to first. i miss just really miss you. i miss us.


today, i feel better. i feel good. i feel at ease.

it took awhile to rekindle back to each other after a long period of being apart. it's hard to pick things up where we left off because its been too long. but i think we need this. we needed time to ourselves and even though it was pretty rough along the way, that's what makes this friendship different from all the rest. because in the end, we're always there for each other. in the end, we'd always be the bestfrrrans that are meant to be. after everything, we're better when we're together. i love you



a classic, est. '92

definition of an asshole

nikkahh: im gonna blog tonight hahah
nikkahh: i've been lagging it
nikkahh: i feel liek giving up on it already LOL
linshee: blog how much you miss me <3 haha
nikkahh: no thanks
nikkahh: i like to tell the truth
nikkahh: when i blog
linshee: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAH
linshee: fucking asssshole
linshee: man
linshee: that was goood
linshee: that was real good


-_____-

three

it's not about choosing which side to be on between two friends.
its about knowing what is right and wrong. good intentions.




-_____-
say what you mean, and mean what you say. i'm sick of getting all this bullshit. i use to care and was afraid to hurt you. but man, fuck it. i know its harsh but you fucking put it on yourself. i'm done with your bullshit and fake asss.


FUN.
saturday night, i had a blast! :) it's been awhile since i had a real good time. feelin' the buzzzzz, felt so good. i loved not caring, not worrying, and just having fun. BUT mannn, i can't wait til prom. shitttt, it's going to get down. anticipation! :)

untitled

we can't prevent all the bad things, because shit happens. we can't pretend that things are okay when they're not. we can't choose the people who stay or leaves your life. we can't choose the person we love. but we can accept it and move on. we can cry because it feels good to let it out. we can give them a reason to stay. we can choose the people we open our hearts to.

if it was meant to be,
then it was meant to be.
it just makes sense.

selfish

bp: it is, what it is babbby.
bp: in the end, it's all about you, and you you you you, you.


sometimes, you have to be a little selfish in order to protect yourself. it's a way of coping

whatev's

it's chill, :)


i'm content with everything right now. i love being carefree and just chillin' with thoses i enjoy having a good time with. *sigh.,<3 my boys =') i can't wait til senior year, its going to be sooo rad!



it use to bother me alot, but i came to the point where i just don't care.

SPRING BREAK 2009

01. WOD with timmy, tam, jimmy, and sammy. HAPPY ONE YEAR TIMMY=')
02. failed mission to party in LA.
03. seaside with calina, steven, and sparky (yummy fries..hehe)
04. san diego with family + calina
05. nice ass vacation condo right by the beach
06. watching the sunset and eating ice cream with calina <3
07. saved by huyen
08. swimming in the rain. THUGLIFE
09. hot white guys with accents
10. korean chicks HAHAHHA
11. calina almost knocking out my tooth with her head -_-
12. spending $85 on MAC makeup !!!
13. incahoots with calina and huyen
14. fail mission to parties on a friday night
15. wham's bbq
16. party with tony!
17. dance session / tapioca express with timmy
18. taking to car out BY MYSELF (well...picked up calina haha)
19. visiting candice<3 at work
20. CARE-FREE.


this spring break wasn't what i expected it to be. but it was one of the chillest. i'm sad i didn't get to hang out with jerri and jennifer like i plan but it was okay. more to come ;) sigh, i love not thinking about him :) it feels good to be finally over it and i don't care.

p.s. i'm sick of girls thinking i have things for my guy friends / the guy their seeing or was. man, fuck you. bitches, get your facts straight. -_- i'm sick of your bullshit

i need you bad

as my heartbeat,
bad like the food i eat,
bad as the air i breath,
i need you bad.


but wait, i don't need you. i don't need you at all. because you know what? i'm okay.









i think i'm over you.
i made the effort, and that's i can do.
don't say i never tried.

broken

i don't want to hear it.

i don't want to hear it.

i don't want to hear it.

 i hate hearing all the shit. i extremely hate hearing it. it's the one thing that has ever impacted my life with excruciating pain. i feel like a part of me is missing. i hated talking about it. i absolutely hate it. because i cry. every single time. i hate it. i never knew how fucked up shit can get. or how can you let shit like this happen. i hate seeing him so hurt and stressed. he pulls back just to please others. but he has a heart, just like he said i had a heart. shit happens, fuck. 

broken,

when will we be unbreakable?

never. at least not anything time so. and i hate this part, right here.

blank

there had been several times where i wanted to blog but i just simply can't. i can't describe my emotions. well, i can. i can't seem to explain why. i feel lost. i feel alone. i feel sad most of the time. i can't explain why. i feel pretty pathetic with myself.




blank,
i don't know anymore.

forward, not backwards

hm, just came back from shopping with nana and nina. i miss our '04 days (: i spent approximately $125 at urban outfitters + $55 online purchase. but in my defense, one of it was a birthday present! haha oh, confessions of a shopaholic. i am very much a victim. hopefully this week goes well! i have many things to look forward to:

tuesday: driving test! 1:50 PM, wish me luck. but mommy is taking me out around 9:00 AM, yay!
wednesday: late start, hells yeah! school at 9:30 AM and babylove's bball game with kevin!
thursday: v2o with anny ho! weewoo
friday: no school (: and candice's birthday dinner / karake-ing
saturday: valentine's day! lunch with nana<3 and then work 5-10:30 PM


with this drama shit, it's so high school and immature. i will not make a big deal, i will not care, and i will be the bigger and better person to let it go. lastly, i will move on. so keep talking. i won't listen.

a good day

i honestly didn't do much but i had a lot of fun. after running errands at target, i went into work early. i worked with anny yay! i love our girl talks and how much we think alike :) ohmygosh, i don't know how.. i don't know why.. but there were a bunch of cuties today! at the crawfish house, it's rare that we get cute guys :) it makes work fun, especially with anny. haha we just giggle and try to work it a little more ;) but i had an embarassing moment and i hope no one saw. i was wearing my steve madden boots and i nearly fell on my ass. luckily i caught myself and quickly hid behind the counter hoping no one saw. haha and it wasn't the first time! hm, it was a good day. i was happy and freaken made BANK! shopping, anyone? mhm!


thanks for my loves who checked up on me :) truly apperciated.

a rainy day

nothing beats ice cream on a rainy day. TGIF, forreals


thank you, loves. i apperciate your concerns and comfort dearly. hm, i think i will go online shopping now.

hopeful

i found an interest in reading again, but only reading books i enjoy. i use to love reading when i was young and then i hated it when i became a teenager. now, i'm started to love it! i'm started to actually read required english books as well. right now, i'm reading two books at once, new moon and perks of being a wallflower, (yeah... never happened before) and reviewing catcher in the rye. i amaze myself that i can read 100 or so pages in a day when before i read 100 in like a week! anyways, i love the twilight series. when i read it, the actions/feelings are so real and genuine even if it's about vampires and werewolves. i plan on buying the hardcover collection soon! i just can't get enough :) edward cullen melts make heart and i hope for my own edward cullen. cheesy but i'm hopeful.

hm, i think i'm getting my period soon. i've been having bitchfits alot so just a heads-up, don't fuck with me til after it's done :) gross, i know. but nature calls, hahaha.

oh!
i'm totally looking foward to my driving test tuesday, february 10 at 1:50 pm. hopefully i pass! it will be such a bummer if i don't but we will see. i want to catch he's just not that into you this weekend and do some shopping :)

my infamous line: "i want to go shopping"

update

i must say, i'm jealous. very, very jealous. but i have to accept it and get over it. you're happy, she's happy. i just wished you cared, that's all.

hm, honestly. my life is so boring right now. my life consist of school, tv/youtube, and sleep. haha, i know right? i feel such a lowlife! i need some excitement! i need some boys! jk, i don't boys. but it's so fun! sigh, i just love eye candies. i giggle like a little girl when i think about them. anyways, hm. i came to the point where i feel like i have no one to talk to. i feel like all of friends are slowly drifting away from me and i hate it. i miss my friends, dearly. but i guess, i can see who my true friends are.

'cause they're the ones that stay,

forever

"Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what. Maybe you'll find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding, but theres also the chance that the one person you can count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself is the same person who's been standing beside you all along." - bride wars



i watched bride wars with candice and ly early tonight and i love it. but the whole time it reminded of me and tiffany. it was amazing how little details really relate how we were and what not. we're basically sistahs (from another mistah). we fight like sisters, we act like sisters, we even pretend to be sisters (sometimes twins and some people actually fall for it) i miss how close we use to be but "shit happens." i hate the phase in our lives where we've drifted and doing our own thing. i guess its what we have to do and in the end, it makes our friendship stronger knowing we can get pass everything and anything that comes between us. no matter how many fights we gone/go through, no matter how often we don't talk/not hang out, no matter what. we're still there for each other because i honestly can't imagine my life without her.

"you and me supposed to be together, forever"

i love you tiffany tin anh tho ngo, you're my sunshine in the rain, pooper scooper, bestfrrran, biff-tab and much more (:

be genuine

i've been contemplating for some time now. i don't want to be friends with someone who doesn't give back the same effort they receive because you know what? i tried. i don't want to be friends with someone who ignores me as they sit there and text while we are suppose to be hanging out. sometimes saying sorry doesn't make everything okay. i feel so ignorant and blind from something i only hoped to be special. i should have listen, but i had to see it for myself what i was getting into. i don't want to become friends with someone who has the audacity to make arrogant comments yet they turn around and talk to me like we're bffs. people walk all over me. i avoid confrontation and drama by simply giving in and stepping out.

it's always been: you win, i lose.

a love like this

"When you're comfortable with someone you love, the silence is the best. And, that's how me and J. are. When we're in a room together, we don't have to say anything. It's for real."
- britney spears

too bad a love like this had to end.